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i am so tired. so very, very tired. karen needed me. her dad ... how do i even begin to explain something that i can't fking comprehend? i love her. all i know is, i saw the most fearful look in her eyes & that ruined me inside; i couldn't do anything for karen. nothing. all i could do was hug her & tell her to cry it out, to let me hear whatever was on her mind. i was so scared. she got so scared & i can't imagine what was inside her head ... god, please make him okay... stabilize him ... heal him ... make him as whole as you can ... i don't want her to lose him. i know that when it's time, you can't stop it from happening ... but, it hurts her so much. it hurts her mom. it hurts anyone who ever knew him, or knew of him. i know that might sound kinda fucked up, you know, cuz he isn't my dad, but... he made karen who she is. if nothing else, he made her who she is. i can't even think. i got maybe two solid hrs of sleep, & now i'm awake. karen called me from the cab. bless her for even keeping it together well enough to phone me. i am so grateful that she's okay. from what i can tell, everything is peachy. she's gonna get to see him. she is. she has to. i believe it. he won't die before she gets there. i can say that. i really do believe he's fighting for her. let's hope i'm right.
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