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4:21 am | 22.12.02 | ecstasy

i've been thinking a lot about the correlation between sexual ecstasy & spiritual ecstasy. not if there's a correlation, because i know it exists. like, there's a song by lauryn hill called just like water & the first few times i listened to the damn thing, i was convinced that she was talking about a renewal of a romantic relationship, right? wrong. dead ass wrong. l-boog is talkin bout the lord. i was stunned at first, because that shit is hella sensual, sexual, just ... seems oh so of the flesh. to me, anyway. perhaps i am dirty minded.

i mean, i've never had a spiritual feeling where i was being moved about like that, where i was being filled... so maybe sex is the closest i've ever come. getting lost in the sweaty closeness, losing my mind in the moments between climax & dormancy.

then i thought about the whole sex v. god thing. i mean, there is this sculpture & it always struck me as odd that ppl were hesitant to talk about how sensual it was. sexual, even. but whatever. you can't force ppl to discuss what they don't wanna. so i'll be thinking about & writing on it more later. i think my point is this: the spiritual connection between two people during intense intercourse can only be rivaled by god him or her self. i'm talking about clarity of intent. where you really do understand how close you two are. not some smutjawn shit. hell, naw. you know, that place you go so deep inside yourself you see that shit happening to you?

yeah, that's god. i really do think so. i feel as if that quote from lés mis ("to love another person is to see the face of god.") couldn't be more correct. i lost myself in that wave of emotion, of sweat & tears & hands & eyes ... oh, yes. when i couldn't talk, when all i could do was cry out, half of me almost in pain, the other half in a place so unfamiliar i was afraid ... why can't that be the same as whatever it is that gets the church ladies to shoutin? why isn't that the same as that seized up look some people have when they "get the ghost?" i've been absorbed by this ethereal unkown thing.

those are not the words of a church lady.

i have known the pleasures of the flesh.

but what i say is that it's all the same. that focus from meditation can translate to the afterglow. if it didn't, i'd be kinda worried. euphoria is sometimes associated exclusively with sprit, etc., when we all know that isn't the only source.

never be afraid of the body god gave you & the powers that body holds. we all know you can't take it with you once you're gone.

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