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don't ask me what the fuck happened to last night's entry; diaryland is ackin foolish. i was thinking about how ppl spend their new years' eve, & i had to stop to ask myself, would i actually feel okay with goin to church tomorrow night to "praise in the new year"? no. the answer is a resounding hell no. primarily because i don't believe that i'd be closer to god by being in a church. secondly, i want to be someplace where i feel loved & appreciated, not scrutinized & overexamined by someone's dogmatic bullshit. additionally, i don't understand why i need to be in church to give thanks to the creator for what i've made it through, & my every future blessing ... but whatever. as the year draws to a close (how many times have you heard THAT shit @ this time of yr?), i have to take inventory. i can't even keep up w/ all the amazing ppl who've come into my life... ppl i don't want to ever leave. i'm sorry that zay & i couldn't grow into yet another yr together. i wish my mom & i could have just fking sat down & talked it all out, just once. i fear that it'll never happen, but i can't be mad about it. i wish i wasn't broke this yr like i was before, lol. i'm glad nate made it here in once piece. karen has been the best part of the past five months. i wanna clone her & put her in my wallet for safe keeping. beans... girl, what can i say? i'm glad that i know you. may the planets always align in your favor. may god bless all of my friends & their loved ones, & so on & so forth, as i wish nothing but the best for them all. oh. the original crushboy betta watch out. 2003 is the year that the sexy bitch takes the fk over. i love you guys. be safe & happy, stay true & never ever forget that nay loves your ass, even if nobody else does.
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