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okay. so i was gonna write about one thang in particular. i was gonna write about the original crushboy. not the second one. but that'll come either later in this entry or sometime tomorrow or something. i wanna talk about life & how precious & frail it is. like i said, ms. sophie passed on the 29th. jamie's friend mari is a month pregnant by a man she's been trying to escape. my neighbor's children are in a fight for their lives, against each other, against the world -- against their own neglectful mother, whose self loathing has obviously permeated all their lives. lisa put shamika out on christmas fucking eve. because someone else told her to. a girl who's sixteen & sexually active should have all her posessions thrown into trash bags at eight pm on christmas eve, right? & her mother should just go along with it because she's still got 5 other kids to worry about who are destroying her aunt's hard earned home. yeah. & lisa's a fucking idiot. brandon got picked up by the cops at TEN PM because he got lost on his way home. lord, please help them. heal them. make shamika a whole, strong person. & darling nikki. i'm afraid she's gonna leave us. i can't pray hard enough, i can't wish hard enough. lord, deliver her from that depression. please. i want her to know that she is better than the pain... but i can't convince her of anything she would never believe. i guess that's gonna lead me to crushboy. you know, since i should use my precious life wisely & not avoid important shit. sheesh. since late summer, yo. i've had this feeling that you were special, more than just some guy. you aren't just some guy, slim. i think i've fallen into liking you more than i ever could have thought possible, & that's just not fair.
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